Tyler Hillis

It’s been about a week since I started this project in full force. Ten days to be exact, but I haven’t written today, so technically nine days to be exactly exact.

In those nine days of writing, I’ve had to face the swathe of emotions commonly tied with this sort of work. Elation. Depression. Exhaustion. Energy. Surprise. Disappointment. Satisfaction. Dissatisfaction. Alive. Contemplating death.

And this is only nine days in.

But as I sit to write this update, one feeling has simmered beneath my skin throughout this entire first stage. Pride.

It’s a rare feeling, for me. The only times before deciding to write this book that I could muster an ounce of it would be going back to old silly projects I had made as a kid. Home movies, short stories, drawings in a notepad. These came from a time when I didn’t pressure myself so much to create something meaningful. I just created.

And looking back on those materials, I’m so proud of my younger self for channeling that innocence into something tangible.

Nowadays, my mind takes over when I sit down to create. It spirals in one of two ways. This is going to be a world changing creation, so make sure every single bit is perfect, or, this won’t amount to anything, so why even bother in the first place?

These two places my mind likes to travel have prevented any semblance of pride to form. In most cases, it has stopped creation before it even starts.

But not with this project. I have pushed on through those spirals of thoughts. They still exist, and fight for my attention every time I sit down to write. But I never let them stop me from writing. I push them back into the recesses of my brain (of which there are many) and let them bicker it out between each other. I am focused on creating and nothing else.

And from that creation, if nothing else, comes pride.